I’m a Star Trek fan. Not really a Trekkie. . .I’m not devoted enough for that. The only television show I’m wholly devoted to is Bonanza. There is no better television show in my opinion. Though I do enjoy Doctor Who (or did, when the tenth doctor was around) and I really like Sherlock.
Anyway, I’ve been looking through my old story files and happened upon something I wrote about four years ago. It’s a Star Trek fanfiction story with Dr. McCoy as the main character. It’s rather short and I tried to write it in a humorous way. If there are errors, please overlook them. I’ve only fixed it very quickly to post, as I need to get working on other projects tonight. I hope you enjoy!
The Insurance
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It started with me saying, “He’s dead, Jim.” I’m sure I must have said that five hundred times since I first came aboard the enterprise. It never fails to get a reaction.
“Are you sure, Bones?” Jim asked, his voice rising.
“No, he could get up and walk down that path right now.” I rolled my eyes. “If I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t have said that he was dead!”
“No need to get testy”
“Then stop asking me such stupid questions,” was my curt reply.
Spock raised an eyebrow at me, as if to say I was more crabby than usual. One of these days I’m going to sneak into his quarters and shave his eyebrows. He has no idea how much that little eyebrow raise gets on my nerves.
“We better investigate,” Jim said. He pulled out his phaser and motioned for us to follow him. I kept a ready hand on my own phaser as I followed him to who knows where. Would it be too much trouble to ask that AT LEAST ONCE he call for some back up? As much as I would LOVE to take on a couple of Gorns or some other lethal alien, I think it would be safer to err on the side of caution. However my idiot captain doesn’t feel the same as I do.
Anyway, we started traipsing through the dry and almost inhabitable world to find whoever killed the poor man, who, by the way, was wearing a very ugly red shirt. I wouldn’t be caught dead in it.
Wouldn’t you know it! About ten minutes later, a bunch of alien women dressed like cave savages came up behind us and stuck sharp looking spears in our faces. So what did Kirk do? Did he order those unruly women to drop their weapons, because he had a phaser pointed at them? Did he insist that they step away from his valued crew members? Did he tell them that there was no way that he was going to surrender to a bunch of cave women? Of course not! He was too busy smiling and trying to act witty in front of the lead cave woman. Well, they had us trussed up like a bunch of chickens, before you could say Enterprise. They even tied us to stakes. So there we were, the Captain, First Officer, and the handsome but frustrated Doctor, all standing in a row looking like we were getting ready for target practice. Only thing was, we were the targets.
I tried my hardest to give Jim a good swift kick to the shin. The stupid head thought I was trying to escape from the ropes. I would have tried that too, but those cave women must have had a lot of practice tying knots.
Too be honest, I wasn’t upset about being tied up. I had a plan to get loose. No, I was upset with Jim. If he hadn’t been trying to butter up the leader of the cave women, we wouldn’t have been in that situation!
As for my plan, I always carry a small knife in my boot. Never know when it comes in handy.
“Psst!” I said, trying to get Jim’s attention. I was closer to him, than to Spock.
He didn’t even look my way. “Hey, Jim!” I tried, again. This time he looked over at me.
“Yes, Bones?” He asked, nonchalantly. I lifted my foot and brought it so that the back of my heel was touching his leg.
“I have a knife!” I said, as quietly as I could.
“Yes, Bones, we all do.” His tone was solemn and he nodded in what seemed to be understanding. I was confused.
“You do?” I asked, surprised. This time I raised my eyebrow.
“Of course.” He managed to flash me a brave smile.
“Then why aren’t you using it?”
“I have been using it, or haven’t you noticed?” Jim sounded annoyed.
“No, I haven’t!” I snapped, dropping my foot to the ground.
“I have a life with Starfleet,” Jim said. He was talking to me like I was a child.
“The idiot thought I said life,” I muttered.
“What was that?” Jim asked, glancing over.
“I said knife, not life,” I groaned, trying to enunciate clearly for him.
“Oh!” it was like a light bulb went off in his brain.
I brought my foot back up. “Try taking it out,” I said.
I felt my foot being yanked backwards and I almost let out a howl. “Don’t do that!”
“What’s the matter?” a harsh voice asked. It was one of the cave women.
“Oh, um, I don’t really like people touching my feet…” I offered, weakly.
She let out a belly laugh that would have startled a horse. I smiled, hoping she didn’t decide to take me apart.
What was Spock doing while the woman had my foot in her viselike grip? He was breaking out of the ropes. His Vulcan strength was finally being put to good use. Next thing I knew, he nerve pinched the cave woman and was then untying us.
We beat a hasty retreat out of there, and I don’t know about Jim, and Spock, but I didn’t look back.
When we finally got back to the ship, I wanted to tell Jim what an idiot he had been. I held back my temper for the rest of the time I was on duty. It was a hard thing to do, but I managed. Now I’m beat. I think the writing actually helped… Jim’s not a bad captain. He’s just unconventional. He frustrates and angers me and half the time I would like to kick him. But, truthfully, I wouldn’t want another captain for the Enterprise. Jim is a true friend, and a stellar star-ship captain…
Jim Kirk smiled in satisfaction as he finished reading the journal page that McCoy had meant to get rid of. He had been angry when he read the things McCoy had wrote about him, until he had seen the last part. Yes. He was a stellar star-ship captain. He was glad that McCoy realized that. He wasn’t going to say anything to McCoy…
McCoy had spotted Jim reading his journal page. He was going to throw it out, but it had disappeared. The next time he saw it, it was resting in Jim’s grip. The frown on his face was immediately apparent. McCoy wasn’t concerned, though. Whenever he had a bad day and felt the need to write it down he always added a nice part at the end of the rant, just in case Kirk ever got a hold of the paper. That little paragraph was his insurance.
The End
Herbalife! 